Dan Vs Secret Admirer
by HomestuckVS
Summary: What will Dan do when he wakes up to find he has a secret admirer? Why does Dan want revenge on said, secret admirer? Read on, and you shall gain knowledge. Enjoy! I have added on to the chapters, and made appropriate changes to make things move slower and overall improve the story. Hope everyone will be satisfied!
1. Chapter 1

_Okay peoples here is my next fanfiction. Dan discovers he has a secret admirer. I thought something like this would be fun to write. I hope you all enjoy the story, and bear with me if it sucks. I am open to criticism and suggestions._

**Chapter 1: Secret Admirer**

It was another sunny day in California. Not a cloud could be seen anywhere in the sky, no matter the direction. Dan hated it. As he walked out of his apartment, locking the door behind him the heat descended upon him. Dan was soaked in sweat, and not very happy about it, seeing as he'd just done his quarterly laundry day. (Yes, Dan only does his laundry four times a year =_=). Dan's place didn't have any air conditioning whatsoever, so he thought that he'd head over to Chris' place earlier than was originally planned.

"Stupid heatwave." Dan grumbled.

On top of being blistering hot outside it also happened to be valentine's day. As Dan walked down the stairs, towards his car, he looked at all the couples holding hands and kissing. Dan didn't think about this too often, but sometimes he wondered what if he met someone special like that? It was a completely natural question to ask yourself, but Dan pushed the annoying thought out of his head almost instantly. He had to hurry over to Chris' place.

Dan and Chris were supposed to attend the annual Valentine's Day Festival. Dan didn't care much for Valentine's Day itself, but all the gourmet chocolate they would have available there made putting up with all the couples a lot easier. Sure Dan could go to the store, but they made the prices absolutely ridiculous this time of year, so the festival was a slightly cheaper way to go. Dan figured with this heat, all the chocolate would become a puddle of sticky, brown, goop within seconds; but it didn't hurt to try. Dan pulled out his list writing 'Sun' on one of the many pages. Dan was just about ready to climb into his car when he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye.

_There's something in my mailbox!? _Dan thought incredulously. He never got mail; not even on Christmas or his birthday.

He walked over, pulling out a small package wrapped in red paper, with a small pink ribbon stuck to the top. There was no return address or tag that would explain where it might have come from. He was skeptical as to whether it was for him or not. He looked and saw his name on the top of the box; it was his.

"Humph. It's probably a bomb or something like that." Dan mumbled to himself.

Dan shook the box slightly and didn't hear any strange rattling sounds, so he decided he'd open it.

He ripped the colorful wrapping off only to find a layer of pink wrapping. Under that layer there was purple, and this continued through layers of blue, yellow, orange, green, and many more sickeningly cheerful colors.

"Are they trying to piss me off!"

Dan finally reached the final layer, exposing a box about the size of his head. Taking his car keys he cut through the tape, giving him access to what was inside.

"What! More unwrapping!" Dan yelled.

He threw the box in the trash tearing off the sheets of colorful paper in one swift movement. When he reached the end of those there was a note attached to the lid of the semi-small box. It read:

_Dan,_

_Hope you had fun with unwrapping! I promise there's no more of that silliness. I'm sure you're frustrated right now, but I promise it will all be worth it in the end._

The note hadn't been signed. Dan tore the tape off of the box and opened it to find legitimate objects this time.

"OW!" Dan cried quickly pulling his finger up to his mouth, sucking on the now bleeding digit. He looked inside to find a red rose with all of it's thorns.

"Stupid roses, why do people even like these dangerous flowers!" Dan complained carefully extracting it from the box and setting it in his mailbox.

The next object Dan pulled from the box was a letter. Dan opened the envelope and began to read.

_Dearest Danny,_

_I have been watching you for a while now. You're strong sense of justice and your strong will to do what you want, despite the consequences, are only two of the many wonderful personality traits you hold. I am Juliet; you are my Romeo. I feel we are two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. I love you Danny. You will hear from me again soon._

_PS, there's a slice of homemade banana cream pie in here JUST FOR YOU._

_Love, Your Secret Admirer ;)_

Dan couldn't believe what he was reading. He almost felt...happy; despite the fact that there was a pie dangerous to his health in the box. Suddenly there was the sound of shattering glass. Dan turned to see someone had decided to shoot a cupid's arrow through the windshield of his car. Dan dashed to his car and upon pulling the arrow out found a small note tied to it.

_Danny,_

_Meet me at 6:30 pm on Valentine's Day where lovers meet to share their affection and kisses._

_Love, Your Secret Admirer_

Dan's face turned red, but he wasn't blushing. He was angry. He snapped the arrow in half and threw the pieces onto the ground, keeping the note in his sweaty hand. Raising his arms high above his head Dan cracked. He yelled up to the sky.

"SECRET ADMIRER!"

**Chapter 2: Revenge (Part 1)**

_Look forward to what's coming up next!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Revenge (Part 1)**

Dan had put the slice of pie, rose, and letters back in the box, and made his way over to Chris' home in his, now damaged, car. Once he was inside he plopped the pie on the kitchen table and waltzed over in front of the tv, where Chris happened to be watching that weird pet butler show he seemed to like.

"Hi Dan." Chris said, knowing he'd probably be dragged off on another one of Dan's crazy revenge schemes yet again.

"Chris I brought you a slice of pie, it's banana cream."

Chris was in shock. Dan had brought him pie. Sure it wasn't one of his favorite flavors but that didn't really matter at this point.

"Wow Dan. That's really nice of you, what's the occasion?"

"Shut up. I need you to hurry and eat it so you can help me get revenge on a Jane Doe." Dan explained with an evil grin on his face.

"So... you don't even know who it is?" Chris asked.

"Not exactly; however, I do know that it is indeed a woman, and that I am supposed to meet her tomorrow night at that one peak where teenagers go to make-out." Dan cringed at the thought.

"Wait, so it's a secret admirer?" Chris was surprised about this more so than about Dan giving him pie. Without realizing it a smile had found its way onto Chris' face.

"Yeah. She's ruined my car's windshield with her stupid arrow. It's got a gaping hole in it!" Dan complained.

"And that rose attacked me Chris; it drew blood." Dan held out his index finger, revealing the small scab on the tip.

"Wow, you could have really died." Chris replied sarcastically.

"I think you should give her a second chance. When are you ever going to get an opportunity like this again?" Chris prodded.

Dan glared at Chris, clearly offended at the last part of his so called, 'encouraging' remark. Dan thought for a moment.

"Fine. I'll go, and if she agrees to fix my windshield then I am hers for as long as I can tolerate her."

"That's the spirit Dan!" Chris was excited.

"By the way, if she doesn't agree, you're fixing it." Dan stated bluntly.

Chris sighed, agreeing that he'd chip in for half of the repairs. Dan was satisfied with that; Chris would most likely still end up paying the full amount though. Dan allowed Chris time to finish the life threatening pie; and a few minutes afterwards Chris made a suggestion.

"Dan, do you want to head for the Valentine's Day Festival?"

"Chris, it's like a sauna wherever we go. How am I supposed to enjoy myself if I am sweating buckets per minute?" Dan angrily crossed his arms over his damp chest.

"They're having it inside this year because of the heatwave." Chris explained.

"Well why the heck didn't you say that in the first place? Let's go!" Dan yelled. Some excitement present in his voice. It was, after all, the only time of year he could get lactose free gourmet chocolate.

Chris simply smiled and drove to the park's recreation center. They exited the car to be greeted with a complimentary heart shaped balloon. They walked in and were assaulted by the smell of chocolate. Chris led the way to a stand a few yards ahead. Dan let him lead only because, while Chris may be a complete buffoon, his nose certainly knew where to find the best tasting junk food from burgers to even chocolate (lactose free when needed).

"Chris are there any more stalls that have chocolate just as tasty, or is this the best one?" Dan inquired of his only friend; making sure Chris didn't let him waste his money on one stall if there were other good ones.

"Yeah, this one's most likely going to be the best." Chris answered, slightly out of it. He was taking in all the chocolaty goodness.

They reached the booth and were able to squeeze through the crowd to the front. Dan called out, "I'll take twenty boxes of your best assorted, lactose free, chocolate!"

"Here you are sir, that will be one-hundred dollars please."

"What! One-hundred...great." Dan grumpily got the money out of his pockets and paid the lady.

"Have a wonderful day!"

"Don't you tell me what to do!" Dan yelled as he walked off with his bags of chocolate. Chris followed in pursuit soon after he had made his purchase. They walked out of the building hurrying to the car. The last thing they wanted was they're precious cargo melting. Chris cranked the AC full blast as he drove Dan back to his house. Dan had claimed that if he took his candy to his abode they would melt due to lack of air conditioning...plus he didn't really have space for all twenty boxes.

"Gah, what are you doing? Stop it Chris!" Dan angrily yelled.

"You _need_ a bath Dan. You can't go meet someone, that could actually love you as long as you'll live, as dirty as you are." Chris argued. Elise had assisted in tying Dan's hands and feet together.

Dan was sitting on the toilet and Chris at the edge of the tub, making sure the temperature would be okay for Dan.

"You do know I'm not a cat right? You have no right to bathe me!" Dan inquired; a grumpy look on his face.

"Well with the way you're acting you might as well be a cat. You won't get yourself clean if I let you do it yourself." Chris stated. He wasn't going to compromise this time.

Dan glared at Chris, shaking his head sadly. The tub filled up a few minutes later. Chris grabbed some scissors and proceeded to cut Dan's shirt and pants off, because there was absolutely no way he was going to untie him. Dan started spouting insult upon insult, complaining about how that was his favorite, and only, shirt. Chris got fed up with that pretty quickly and once he had removed everything, he grabbed Dan by the stomach and dropped him in the tub. Immediately the water turned a tinted, brown color. Dan resurfaced gasping for air.

"Are you trying to kill me!?" Dan screeched.

Chris ignored Dan's protests and his teeth that were attempting to bite his fingers, grabbing a scrub brush.

Elise was in the kitchen making some of Dan's favorite things to eat, to maybe suppress his anger towards them just a little bit, for after the bath was finished. She suddenly heard a lot of splashing and yelling coming from the bathroom. She smiled, Chris was going to have the hardest time. But if he can manage to finish bathing Dan when they have kids that will be a piece of cake.

"Ow, Dan stop struggling!" Chris yelled as he tried to scrub Dan's back.

"I won't! You can't make me do anything." was Dan's reply.

Chris couldn't take it anymore. He called for Elise. She walked in a minute or two later, letting out a giggle. Chris was just as wet as Dan and he looked almost as grumpy.

"Elise, he's not complying, I need him to stay still!" Chris whined. Elise liked this side of Chris, it was so cute.

"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?"

"I don't know! Knock him unconscious or something!" Was Chris' answer.

"How dare you even suggest that!" Dan said.

"Sorry Dan, but it's your own fault." Elise stated bluntly. She pulled a bottle and rag out of her back pocket.

He would have gone on ranting but Elise knocked him out in the end with some of the chloroform they had found in Dan's pants.

"Better hurry before he wakes up again." Elise said, giving Chris a peck on the cheek.

"Yeah, I'll try. There's no telling how many layers of dirt he has on his skin."

"You know, Dan is actually pretty cute when he's sleeping." Elise smiled.

"Yeah, well, that's what I used to think, but the effect wears off after knowing him for twenty or more years." Chris objected.

Elise handed Chris the plates and they both sat down at the table to enjoy their dinner.

Dan regained consciousness at around 5:45 in the evening. Elise and Chris were huddled together watching one of those mushy romantic comedies that Chris likes. Dan slowly sat up, groaning loudly as he did so. Then he remembered what happened. Chris brought him to the house after the festival; then about an hour or so of eating occurred. Dan had stayed the night and he woke up to a delicious breakfast of lactose free pancakes and orange juice. Then they sat around whilst Dan complained endlessly about the secret admirer amongst many other topics worthy of his hateful spite. It suddenly hit Dan like a ton of bricks.

_Then at three, yes, that's when Chris held me down while Elise tied me up! Those two will pay! Wait, what's that smell? It smells like... flowers?_

Dan sniffed his arm and realized it was soap.

"How dare you bathe me against my will!" Dan complained.

Chris and Elise looked over, showing off their, 'here we go again' expressions. Chris rolled his eyes.

"Dan, I wasn't about to let you go see that person in your current hygienic state. That would have made me a terrible friend."

"Yeah, Dan. You looked like a wreck before. Now your hair is soft and fluffy, and you smell better than you ever have before." Elise added, ruffling Dan's hair.

"Well that's none of your business! I think you are a terrible friend right now." Dan protested, slapping Elise's hand away. Chris ignored that last part and continued speaking.

"Dan, if I am supposed to be helping you then it is my business. Besides, now that you are clean, you'll probably attract more women if this thing doesn't work out." He pointed out.

"Why would I want to attract females or anyone else for that matter! They're nothing but trouble, and an expense I'd rather not have to deal with." Dan stated.

Chris sighed, as Elise held his arm. Dan's complaints and so called, 'facts', went on for another fifteen minutes. Chris interrupted Dan's rant as he began talking about how women and marriage are both scams.

"Dan, we should probably go, it's a thirty minute drive to the peak." Dan glared at Chris for a moment before he let out a huge sigh.

"Fine." Dan mumbled. As he followed Chris out the door, a box of chocolates in hand.

Not much was said between the two friends on the way up; mostly because Dan was still miffed at Chris, but also because the silence was kind of nice. When they finally reached their destination Chris and Dan said their good-byes.

"Well buddy, good luck. You should be able to impress her with no problems!" Chris encouraged. He felt a little awkward.

"Whatever." Dan looked at the ground a little hurt. He honestly felt that Chris was abandoning him.

"Well, see ya' later then." Chris stated sheepishly.

Dan watched Chris drive off down the road, wishing he was in the car with him. Dan suddenly turned as he felt, what he thought, was a sudden tap on his shoulder.

"Oh Danny, you didn't have to get all cleaned up for me! You smell especially lovely tonight. Are those chocolates for me?"

Dan froze. _What have I gotten myself into!_

**Chapter 3: Revenge (FINAL)**

_What will Dan's secret admirer look like? It almost appears as if Dan knows the person. Find out what will happen next!_

_Thanks for reading guys! I'll try and get this next chapter uploaded in the next few days. Have an awesome day._


	3. Chapter 3

_The moment of truth is revealed. Thanks for reading this far, hope you enjoy it!_

**Chapter 3: Revenge (Final)**

Dan slowly turned around. Behind him was a man he'd never seen before in his life.

"Um, can I help you with something?" Dan asked, clearly creeped out. Dan hoped and prayed that what he was currently thinking was wrong.

The man chuckled. "Danny you're so funny, it's me, you're secret admirer!"

Dan's eyes widened. He definitely was not happy; but, honestly, he wasn't all that surprised either. He just had really bad luck when it came to love. Dan averted his eyes from the strange, yet fairly handsome man's face. The, 'John Smith' of a person was wearing black slacks and a green emerald, button up shirt. The sleeves were rolled up just above the elbow and the top couple buttons were unfastened exposing some of the man's chest.

"I just remembered that I have something extremely important to attend to. I should probably get going now; don't want to be late. But before I do I want the money to get my car fixed." Dan felt stupid after saying that. He should have just started walking away.

The man wrapped one arm around Dan's waist, the other placed on Dan's shoulder. The man's gray eyes stared at his own. There was almost a lustful look in his eyes; in fact, Dan was pretty sure that he was spot on.

"Now now Danny, I haven't even introduced myself yet. my name is Gilbert, and I'm afraid I can't let you leave yet." An almost menacing tone had been used.

Dan could hardly believe what was happening. He smacked Gilbert's hand away, turning his body to face him.

"I can leave whenever I damn well please! You aren't either one of my parents last time I checked, so buzz off! " Dan growled.

"See, that's exactly what I like about you." Gilbert stated; chuckling as Dan tried to get further away.

Dan was able to break free from Gilbert's grasp after a few minutes of struggling.

"Whoopsie. Danny, be a dear and get back over here." Gilbert laughed as he went after Dan.

Dan practically sprinted towards the entrance to the peak but was tackled to the ground. He wasn't exactly a runner to begin with; but he was also very much out of shape, crippling any chance he might have had at escaping.

"You're not getting away today Danny. I've been dying to have some fun." Gilbert whined.

Dan could only think of one last thing to do as he felt something hard press against his ass. He couldn't get to his phone with Gilbert around and he hoped that Chris hadn't driven too far yet.

"Chris!" Dan screeched louder than he ever had before. Gilbert covered Dan's mouth as he dragged him back towards the cars. Dan had known it was futile to call for Chris, but he just had to try.

Chris was nearing the base of the mountain when he got this feeling that Dan needed something. But it had only been ten minutes since Dan had been dropped off.

_He probably just wants a ride, but he can just get one from whoever he's meeting. I hope he'll finally find true love and get married or something so Elise and I can have some alone time for once in our lives._

Dan saw that Chris wasn't coming. It had been at least seven minutes since he'd yelled. He was really all alone this time. No one was there who was going to help him. Everyone in the area currently was either kissing or doing the same thing that Gilbert was about to do to him (except theirs was consensual). Gilbert shoved him into the back seat of the car, climbing in on top of Dan. He pushed Dan down, holding his hands together so that he couldn't use them and skillfully managed to position himself between Dan's legs so Dan couldn't kick him away. Dan was nearly in tears.

"You smell so nice." Gilbert sighed. "I've been longing for this ever since I'd discovered you."

"Why me?" Dan choked out a sob.

Gilbert almost looked surprised by the question. "Because you're you." Gilbert replied quietly. He wiped a tear away as he leaned in and began his terrible, dark deed.

Chris pulled into the driveway of his home. Walking inside, he still had a nagging feeling in the back of his head. He pushed it aside, greeting Elise.

"Hey honey, I'm home!"

"Hi sweetie! I'm in the kitchen." Elise called out. Chris loved it when Elise was in the kitchen.

A delightful scent wafted towards Chris; Elise was cooking. He believed it was chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy...and some carrots as a vegetable to go along with it. Chris walked into the kitchen and had been spot on.

"This looks great!" Chris said, giving Elise a peck on the lips and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Well, it's ready, so we can eat now if you'd like." Elsie giggled.

"You know I want to." Chris excitedly started piling the food on his plate after Elise had dished up all she was going to eat. They both sat at the table and talked about how their day had been, and how glad they were about Dan getting a girlfriend after so many years of not having anyone special whilst they ate. They knew how much Dan had loved Hortense, so they thought having someone else in the picture would be good for him.

Dan felt utterly humiliated and he was sore all over. Bruises covered a lot of his neck and front from the rough kisses Gilbert had delivered. Why he was sore, he didn't really want to recall that part of it. He shivered at the thought as he made his way down the mountainside by foot. He carried with him the money for the car repairs in his back pocket that Gilbert had slipped into his pants after the incident. It was going to take him all night to reach Chris' house. Gilbert drove up alongside him in his sleek, black mustang convertible.

"Thanks for a wonderful evening Danny. Are you sure you don't want a ride?"

Dan glared at Gilbert. "I'll never get back in that car ever again for as long as I live. What gave you the idea that I'd even consider getting back in that car!" Dan spat.

Dan was too tired to say anything else and continued walking down the road.

"Suit yourself. I look forward to seeing you again. Night Danny!" Gilbert chuckled as he sped off down the road.

Dan felt hopeless. He eventually reached the bus stop after thirty minutes of walking and sat; a defeated look present on his face.

_How the heck am I supposed to get back at someone I never want to see again?_

Dan pulled his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. This action made him flinch a little due to muscle aches in his legs and buttocks. An uncomfortable, squishy feeling making it even worse. Dan waited like this for about fifteen minutes when the bus finally arrived. Dan climbed the steps slowly, dispensing his change in the machine. The driver, slowly handed him the transfer slip, glancing at Dan's current physical condition with detest. Dan proceeded to make his way to the back of the bus.

It took an hour with all the other stops but the bus eventually brought Dan into town. He was now ten minutes away from Chris' place. While on the bus Dan had thought back on what had just happened. Debating in his mind if it really had. He'd known that all the sounds he'd made were real; and that frightened him. He also knew that the windows of the car steaming up at the intense heat that had formed between the two of them as kisses and much much more had been showered upon him were also very real. The proof being the light tingling he still felt in the areas he'd been violated. Tears began to run down Dan's cheeks, after a moment he wiped the tears away, holding back the flood for when he was able to reach Chris' home.

Chris and Elise had rented a slasher flick to watch together that night. They had gotten an hour into the movie when Dan suddenly burst through the door. Chris screamed like a little girl, as he clung to Elise.

"Dan!" Chris and Elise said in unison. It was dark at first, so they didn't notice Dan's awful condition.

"Hey Dan! So, how was your date?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows, grinning like a big doofus.

Dan let out all he'd been holding in. He sobbed and cried loudly, uncontrollably; collapsing to his knees. He couldn't stand for one more second. Chris ran over to where his friend sat. Dan took this as an opportunity to tightly cling to Chris, shivering and shaking as sobs wracked his body with pain.

"Wha- ow! Dan, what's your problem!" Chris gasped as Dan's nails dug into his skin.

"Dan! What happened, you look awful!" Chris stated as Dan continued to cry into him. His clothes were in slight disarray; however, his shirt appeared to be torn down the middle revealing multiple hickeys up and down his chest.

"It was a man." Dan choked out between sobs.

"What was that Dan?" Elise asked, turning the movie off.

"The secret admirer was a guy, okay! Where the heck were you Chris! I called for you and you never came!" Dan exclaimed.

"You never showed. Because of you I was..."Dan went silent; but he still trembled in Chris's arms. An occasional sniffle broke the silence.

"How was I supposed to hear you? You could have used your cell phone!" Chris countered.

Dan looked Chris in the eyes, "No. I couldn't. I couldn't have had any hope to reach my phone in that situation."

Chris finally got what happened. "Dan, I- I'm so sorry." Chris hung his head in shame.

"I had a feeling you needed me, but I ignored it because I figured it hadn't been that long since I had dropped you off. This is all my fault! Let me make it up to you somehow." Chris pleaded.

Dan buried his face back into Chris' soft gut. "I wasn't planning on doing anything. You can if you want but I never want to see this Gilbert person ever again."

Their eyes widened. Elise and Chris couldn't believe what they had just heard. Suddenly Chris said something that was unbelievable.

"Was this Gilbert person, tall, salt and pepper hair, fairly handsome?"

"Yeah, but how did you know?"

Chris had a guilty look on his face. "Well, he just so happens to be my current boss."

"What!" Dan screeched as he stood up. Dan's legs buckled causing him to fall back down.

"See, I keep a picture of you, Elise and I on my desk at work. One day he asked about you. He looked fascinated, but I didn't think he'd stalk you and, well you know."

Dan was furious. "You miserable oaf! You traitor! If you don't quit your job or get him fired I will never forgive you!" Dan tried to punch Chris, miserably failing.

"He's right Chris. I may not like Dan very much, but you need to make this up to him." Elise walked into the kitchen offering to make Dan something to eat, which Dan didn't turn down.

That night Dan slept in the bed next to Elise while Chris was on the couch. Dan said it reminded him too much of the backseats of a car, and refused to sleep there. Dan tossed and turned in bed as Elise was trying to go to sleep. She was going to turn and tell him to stop when she noticed he must be having a nightmare. Elise sighed and woke Dan up. He jolted into a sitting position and was shivering slightly.

"Dan, do you need a hug?" Elise asked.

Dan shot Elise a weird look. "No. I just need to feel a little more secure I guess." Dan replied softly.

Elise took Dan's pillow, moving it next to hers. She pat the spot next to her as she lay on her side. Dan blushed a little at the embarrassment of being treated like a child by Elise. He placed himself next to her, facing the opposite direction. Elise placed one hand on Dan's shoulder, assuring him he'd be okay. Dan fell asleep almost instantly and was no longer dreaming. Elise fell asleep soon after.

It was morning and the smell of pancakes wafted from the kitchen. Elise awoke to find the bed empty. When she walked into the kitchen she saw that Dan was cooking pancakes on the stove. Dan turned around and Elise gasped, covering her mouth. Dan was covered in bruises, hickeys, and small cuts that the light shining in from the window only emphasized. His eyes were red and swollen as well from all the blubbering he had done last night.

"Dan you...you look terrible!"

"Yeah well, I feel terrible too. But since you and Chris have been so nice I decided I'd make some pancakes. Plus I was really hungry for some."

"Well that's really nice of you Dan, but are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital or something?" Elise asked. A worried expression on her face.

"I'll be fine, these will heal in no time."

Chris walked into the kitchen. His eyes turned to saucers as he saw Dan cooking, and the fact that Dan looked like crap.

"Um, Dan-"

"Don't start, I already tried." Elise stopped Chris before he could say anything.

"Well then, Dan I didn't know you could make anything other than deviled eggs." Chris stated incredulously.

"Of course I can! I'm just too lazy to cook for myself. Lucky for you two I'm in the mood. You'll never be able to go back to your mediocre pancakes ever again after tasting mine!" Dan stated proudly.

Chris and Elise were peeking over Dan's shoulder. They didn't look like they were poisoned or drugged.

"Sit down at the table, I'll make sure to dish you both up a plateful. Chris you only get one plate, I don't feel up to slaving over a hot stove to make you three plates of pancakes."

They sat at the table and watched Dan cook. He acted like a normal everyday person when he was cooking or sleeping; in fact he almost seemed happy. In a few more minutes Dan had finished making three generous platefuls of golden brown pancakes with syrup, no butter. He then went to the fridge and proceeded in pouring two glasses of milk and one glass of orange juice. After they were all sitting down, the eating began. Chris took one bite. He dropped his fork on the table, staring into space.

"These are the fluffiest, most perfect pancakes I've ever tasted." Chris stated in almost a whisper.

"These really are delicious! Dan how do you do it?"

Dan chuckled quietly. "I know, they really are the best. But it's another one of those secret family recipes. This one was my grandfather's. He loved pancakes more than his own family. I was able to get it out of him before he kicked the bucket."

"Wow. He must have really loved you." Chris said, stuffing another bite into his mouth.

"No, I literally had to get it out of him. He had swallowed it whole before he died. It was a pretty gross process."

Chris and Elise stared at each other for a moment, then shrugging their shoulders in unison began to partake of the pancakes once more.

Halfway into breakfast there was a knock at the door. Dan insisted he would answer it. Once he reached the door upon opening it, he jumped back. Dan fell over and started rapidly scooting back as best he could; he was still pretty sore from last night.

"What are you doing here?" Dan squeaked.

Elise and Chris got up and when they entered the living room a man was standing there.

"You look terrible Danny, here let me kiss all of your sores better." Gilbert stated, as he held his arms open, beckoning Dan to come closer. Dan just sat on the floor looking angry, frightened, and miserable.

"Sir, what are you doing here?" Chris asked. He was not too happy about seeing his boss after what he'd done.

"Oh, hey Chris! Thanks so much for telling me about young Danny here, he's wonderful! You should have heard some of the beautiful sounds he was making last night."

Elise stepped between Gilbert and Dan.

"Excuse me, but Dan made it clear he never wants to see you again. You're lucky he, nor anyone else in this household, hasn't called the cops on you yet!"

Gilbert's smile faded.

"I did nothing wrong. The feeling was made mutual when Dan decided to show up."

"I thought you were going to be a woman! You sir are a deceitful, conniving, not to mention evil, snake!" Dan chimed in, his voice a tad shaky as he choked back more tears that threatened to bust out.

"I know you don't mean that Danny. You seemed to enjoy our little get together. Plus, I never stated my gender in the notes, that was just your assumption." Gilbert countered. A smug look on his face.

While all this was going on Chris had walked over to the phone. He dialed 911 and had gotten ahold of the police.

"Yes, there is a sexual assault victim at my house; the criminal is present as well. Yes thank you."

Chris hung up the phone. The others were still busy arguing. Gilbert had managed to get past Elise and was running around the room with Dan in his arms. Dan looked so small being carried by a man as tall as he was. Gilbert proceeded to dodge Elise and eventually locked himself, along with Dan, in their bedroom. Dan tried to reach for the handle, but couldn't quite get to the bolt before Gilbert carried him over to the bed, plopping him in the center. Elise was banging on the door, trying to bust it open, but it wasn't working out. Her defensive precautions had been turned against her.

"Why aren't you doing anything Chris!"

Chris was at the table finishing up the pancakes.

"I called the cops. They should be here any second now."

At that moment sirens could be heard, and they were quickly getting louder. Elise looked outside to see three police cars parked in the street. Chris went outside filling them in on the current situation. They decided the best course of action was to go through the window at the back.

Dan felt too crummy and tired to fight Gilbert. He just didn't have the energy. Gilbert had positioned himself next to Dan and was now cuddling with him; pulling Dan in close. He ran his fingers through Dan's soft hair in a small circular pattern. Dan kind of enjoyed the feeling of having his head rubbed, but he still didn't like the situation. Dan decided he'd better do something before this escalated into something gruesome. Dan pulled away slow, but strong. He then proceeded to get Gilbert standing. Once this was accomplished Dan lifted his leg back, and with great force kicked Gilbert where it really counted. Dan was almost satisfied. He decided to take some of Elise's makeup and applied, pink lipstick, red blush, and some purple eyeshadow. Now he was satisfied. His revenge had been simple but sweet.

"Take that you stupid pervert."

Just then something else happened that made it even better. The police came out of nowhere and crashed through the window. They handcuffed Gilbert and took him to prison. He didn't plead guilty; however, he did promise to stay away from Dan after all that had happened. He understood when he needed to back off.

"Thanks buddy." Dan quietly said, as Chris approached him.

"No problem." Chris said, as he was fired by Gilbert.

They watched as Gilbert drove off down the road. They could only hope they never saw him again.

**THE END**

_AUTHOR'S NOTE:_

_So I hope all of you enjoyed my little story. It got a little sketchy at some parts. And if you didn't enjoy my story then say so, but I would appreciate it if, with your insults, you include realistic suggestions. I enjoyed writing this piece of literature and hope you will read more of my stuff in the future. Thank you! ^_^_


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